My Life

Photography by Amaya Engleking

In 1984 I had colic but through 1993 the years were idyllic, running with wolves and kissing Jesus on the cheek. Watching the stars dance for me outside my bedroom window. When we moved from the sunshine when I was ten my hair slowly turned dark, and soon did everything else. Read More

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Mountain 

Photography by Peter Holme

Threshold. What it takes, the thunderous energy, impossible vitality, to get to a state of relaxation, a feeling that I have adequate energy and vitality… “You need a sail,” suggests Joshua when I tell him it feels like Tom Hanks in Cast Away trying with all his might to get beyond the surf and become un-lost. Sometimes it seems not worth the effort, the expenditure far greater than the reward.

I drove back home alone with the girls after a weekend trip to Denver to see my mom. Heading south, the blessing of a special on Paraguayan guitarist Augustine Barrios filled Read More

Labor


I was inspired while reading the chapter on motherhood, and apparently the baby in the womb was too, for after fifteen days past her estimated due date — as I tried intense mountain hiking, bumpy 4-wheel-driving over Engineer Pass, dancing my pregnant booty off to saloon ragtime, cooking with Himalayan chili peppers, an all-night full-moon vigil Read More

Born

‘Fulfillment’ by Adam Scott Miller

The pain starts at night and I see myself holding you, your father looking into your eyes and finding a part of himself he had been missing. By the bright morning and cruel red-winged blackbird song though, there is no pain; your crib remains filled only with blankets townspeople and your grandmothers have knitted for you.

In the warm pool in the backyard under the canopy of the aspen grove, I Read More

Solstice

Photography by Amaya Engleking

“A SOMETHING in a summer’s day,
As slow her flambeaux burn away,
Which solemnizes me.

A something in a summer’s noon,—
An azure depth, a wordless tune,
Transcending ecstasy. Read More

Realize

Holding my daughter

I read to you, my Baby In The Womb, your first book. It was Annie Dillard’s Holy the Firm. You may say I have great expectations for you, but really hardly less than the Lord your Father’s for you, Little One. You will learn this early on — and perhaps you already know (but most of us forget amidst the flashes and specks of this disco-ball world) — that God is perfect and so must be his Word. Therefore, the individual letters of the alphabet, or characters, are inherently essential and truth-giving: Read More

Room With a View

My baby is six months old. In her short life she has already lived in two small mountain towns and in three houses. Mama’s always harping, “You have kids now, when are you going to settle down. For crissake’s they need STABILITY!” Hey, it’s her gypsy blood in the family; not my husband’s nor my father’s, so I think she could be a bit more embracing of her roots! So here are pictures of views from our last three places of residence. Read More

Black Dragon

bow2

Annie Proulx asks, “For who has not heard music at the end of the day, [the most impressionable time] the quarter-light infused by somber harmonies that say everything that has ever been said?”

Yet even after glimpsing –and thereby eternally believing– this revelation, I still chase the black dragon of writing; believing in even stronger than moments that cannot be expressed in words, the ones that only can. There is a profound statement that mystifies the ages in the opening to John’s gospel, and meditating on ‘Christ as God’s word’ carries me to these far reaches of human belief: that not only can we define the indefinable, but it is our duty as writers to pursue the journey. Read More

Q’s Angels

Sadness about the angels who must forget what they are in order to be here.  Tiny ones gathered in my daughter’s cheek to pad her from when the kindergartner had a seizure and dropped her onto the floor.  The incident replayed over and over again in my mind keeping me from sleeping, my husband turned away from me, furious about the whole thing.  “Where is your mind?” Read More