Three Years

Photography by Amaya Engleking

Since last summer I cannot look a person in the eye. You and I need to quit the pretense that we’re free from guilt. And when I die by gunfire or fire, humiliate me no further with a funeral and feigned sadness. There is only one sadness. Listen to Yo-yo Ma in the rain and drop to your knees and confess.

With one more calendar of blogging set free on the quaking stream, rippling on in dichromatic shadow, I must revisit this past year and assure that I’m not just writing what is true, but what is helpful, a trusted refrain. While organizing the bookshelf a few nights ago, I flipped through a journal from the Asia days and found how uninhibited I was in print, beholden to not another soul. I didn’t have a phone or camera for those five months and only got a cheap flip phone when I got back to Chengdu in the spring in order to continue freelancing. How many portraits were drawn with the only teachers being the lines themselves?

“Oh sweet nuthin’ She ain’t got nuthin’ at all” Drawing by Amaya Engleking

‘Trinity Freak’ Drawing by Amaya Engleking

After Ezra Pound
Be hoboable
Curiosity killed the Catholic
Consumers suck Read More


Walking to the Lake on a Late Autumn Afternoon —

Amaya and Oriahn Ruah

“When a bird sings
when dewed branches tilt sunlight into eyes
when curtains are soaked with light
when mirrors drown in shadows,
take your day to the shore, my child.
Put out the words that fired your waking,
scatter them on the sand like seeds,
then with your feet gently tap them,
and let the bright waves
receive your meaning.”

– Khaled Mattawa, from ‘Bedtime Reading for the Unborn Child’

Nada se pierde con vivir, tenemos
todo el tiempo del tiempo por delante
para ser el vacío que somos en el fondo.

– Enrique Lihn


Time is racing but I stand paralyzed
Velocity will make anything seem real
Its hard surface pressed tight against my perimeter of curve and dangerous angle
Convex dagger into heart Read More


Photography by Andre Ermolaev

A honed heritage of rebellion and pride
Innate upstream laws by which to abide

I’ve held all my life but the shore is the same
A cadenza my furrowed brow has belied

Incessant whirlpools form calliope echoes
Insanity swirls and draws all I’ve decried Read More


Painting by Rachael Errington

Dendritic lies spread like an unearned ovation
Poisoning mankind’s body and hopeful expectation
Tasting metallic of both euthanasia and revelation
Atomic love and remorse in equal parts for expiation
A deadly sweet catalyst of symbiotic relation
When is amanita Happy Hour for cellular sedation? Read More

Sliding Scale

Mentality shaky like an ancient mountain on a fault line slipping into the sea and the mountains don’t even speak to me anymore long neglectful of the dust that comprises their mass even when the shadows spill glorious on their umber cliff sides in low winter sun i am laid numb by the trisomy 13 and too premature and still-
births of strangers
sisters Read More