Integral

Art by Paolo Ceric

All were in their proper place–
The hedonists on the slippery slope
The proud upon hearths of their own function
The saints in the silent center of the sequence–
When the world ended, its perfect pied way Read More

One Year

Painting by Julia Watkins

Here we go ‘round the prickly pear, full circle needing prayer

Ashes to molasses, dust to suckling star dust

Sing your celebration, don’t compensate for your salvation

Only to look upon Creation and see what you must: Read More

Love Thy Neighbor

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Form.  I can now respect it because I am at the point at which the slope of craft unfolds in a rolling wave – a lush Brisanchu knoll of light and deep shades.  But before reaching this unexplored scenery, I had to die.  And before that I had to know the God within and without were one. And yet, before even that struggle wrought by youthful temerity, desperate groping and inchoate spirituality in the seven-year crepuscular dome, all culminating in one terrifying moment in Hengyang; I had to love and trust a God I couldn’t even feel, but for the myriad wonders of the world, believed in.  Read More

Q’s Angels

Sadness about the angels who must forget what they are in order to be here.  Tiny ones gathered in my daughter’s cheek to pad her from when the kindergartner had a seizure and dropped her onto the floor.  The incident replayed over and over again in my mind keeping me from sleeping, my husband turned away from me, furious about the whole thing.  “Where is your mind?” Read More

Swing

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It wasn’t the cult that made me do these things.  I am as unaffiliated as the man stranded on the island who built a swing.  We all thought he was out of his wits –or maybe that’s all that was left—but here we are all on the same universal pendulum and no one ever says a damn thing about how fuckin crazy we all are not to jump off.  Minds and cells all jostled from a lifetime of the up-and-down, back-and-forth, yet we still convince ourselves we know what is best.  Go down swinging, that’s how we like it.  What do I care about a guy who got it right in his dizzied brain?  How was I supposed to know that jumping is the only way off this nightmarish ride?

Read More

Embracing Blessed Pregnancy

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A flowering mother.  (Source unknown)

I am in bloom.  Full of blood, bubbling, full of life.  Face aglow, I am awed by the blood vessels flowing to the womb, thickened veins and umbilical pulse.  I can feel their swollen contours as they inflect upwards beneath the skin.  Bulbous breasts plump with sweet amber, dripping like blackstrap molasses.  Read More

Isosceles


Are we as a country becoming more divided or more unified? When historical decisions are made and elections fall to one party or the other, there is an “in your face” celebration focused at those who lost. When was the last time there was an election for president that was separated by more than a few percentage points in the popular vote? When was the last time there was a unanimous Supreme Court decision on any major decision? It’s usually 5-4, or 6-3 at best. That tells me there are a lot of people who will be hurt, lost, disappointed, and even confused as to what the future holds for them and their beliefs. Where is the leader who has seen his/her cause win, and then truly demonstrated a humility that there are a lot of people who are not celebrating?

John Pickard, Lakewood

This letter was published in the July 5, 2015 edition of The Denver Post


When I subscribed to that newspaper, it was so easy to get caught up in the issues of the day and to think my opinion actually had pull over another’s.  It was so easy to get angry.  When Mr. Pickard wrote this humbling letter, it immediately stood out as prophetic, and I was reminded of that which I ought to focus my energy instead: Christ’s teachings.  Not left, not right, not forever down in a dark, deep cave.  (See About section.)  But above.

I cut out this letter and magnetically stuck it to the fridge, the beginning of my own magnetism upward to heavenly things, rising above the perpetual tug-of-war, the pull of gravity, the torrential seas.  Transcending these laws lets us walk on water.  Putting the needs of others before our own desires–prayer–is the way to get there. 

© 2016, Amaya Engleking

Padre Benedetto’s Words to Padre Pio

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Padre Benedetto wrote to his spiritual advisee, Padre Pio, one hundred years ago, in 1916:

The night in which you are immersed and bewilders you is a most painful trial, but it is very lovable because of the fruit it produces in your soul. It is intended to extinguish human understanding so that divine understanding may take over, so that stripped of the common way of thinking and the ordinary use of the mental faculties you may ascend to what is purely supernatural and heavenly. Not only may you hope that God will return to your soul…he is already working within you with an activity and effectiveness commensurate with his intense love for you.

 

My soul encountered the dark night all throughout my twenties as I could not fathom what was happening to me, why everything I knew of the world was slipping like sand between my fingers and I could not hold it in, no matter what I did. This loss of control and “human understanding” was excruciating and I see now, necessary. What a blessing to be expurgated by the hand of Jesus himself, cause God knows, I never would have chosen that suffering, that way, for myself.

© 2016, Amaya Engleking