The Church


Is God telling me
A sad truth about his Bride:
Broken rosaries
Kids have pulled apart in play
And I just Read More

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Aura

Almost halfway!

I haven’t been one for pregnancy updates throughout any of my “with child” months, mainly because I’ve thankfully had healthy, normal pregnancies. I’ve never really had a scare besides when my husband and I were trekking in Nepal while I was five months along with my first and when we were a three-day walk from the nearest town with bus services, he came down with giardia. Read More

My Life

Photography by Amaya Engleking

In 1984 I had colic but through 1993 the years were idyllic, running with wolves and kissing Jesus on the cheek. Watching the stars dance for me outside my bedroom window. When we moved from the sunshine when I was ten my hair slowly turned dark, and soon did everything else. Read More

Connect

Photography by Bruce Gilden

I’m depressed. I’ve felt a surge of rejection over the past couple weeks, and what’s stupid is it all stems from the vitriolic, soul-crushing existence of social media. It’s simply embarrassing that, 1) we as a civilization have devolved to this being the “most efficient” way of communicating, when actually very little is communicated or learned; and 2) I, a pretty much against-the-mainstream, hippyish free spirit have fallen into all this must-maintain-an-online-presence nonsense. It’s hard living a life you know you’re not supposed to be living, that there’s a much better life for you, calling for you, if only… Read More

Storm

Art installation by Angela Glajcar

I black out in Laos w/ the Canadians and awake the next day in some tall grass next to the river w/ Amaya beside me. I can tell she’s upset and my state of mind is so twisted from the night before that I am emotionally numb. She goes right into it and tells me that she was going to leave me in the middle of the night, just get up and walk away and keep going, but Christ told her to stay and she obeyed. At this point in my life I am struggling so much w/ faith and it almost seems to my demented alcohol-soaked brain that she is using Christ to torment me, Read More

The Sun Dared To Rise


There were no skid marks

Your pregnant wife’s car, slammed into a soybean field
She and your youngest son, taken

But not to vacation bible school

Sirens

Your son who liked to draw on his bedpost with his red and blue markers

Took two more days to die

Your firstborn, the first baby you’d ever held and the one you had the most nicknames for Read More

Paths, Pasts & Politics (and one more “P”)

Sunset on Lake Michigan from the back porch. Photography by Amaya Engleking

The past couple weeks after returning from a relaxing vacation on Lake Michigan (yes, actually relaxing, even with the baby and three year-old and cramming as many in-laws into a one-bathroom beach house as possible) have been dynamic.

Something I’ll mention even though it occurred in June but has widened the chasm I feel between myself and the institutionalized church: Read More