Drawing by Guy Denning

Beyond tired of getting strung along by God. And the destination, only God knows; could be Calvary freakin Hill for all I know. Blindly dragged, hoping we’re on our last leg to paradise. Ha. Though further and further we trudge, to an off-key rusted trombone dirge, slooooww, yet never ceasing for a moment of rest. Am I really still so crippled that this is our pace, and so untrustworthy that I can’t be given a hint, much less a heartfelt conversation? And Mother Teresa’s forty year dark night of the soul is supposed to be inspiring. Daunting more like it. If she–a saint–felt empty of God for so long, how the hell am I expected to conjure the hope that God has not forsaken me on this long earthly walk? I’m not in the HABIT of asking questions in haste, having lived the consequence of the error over and over again. It could have been stupidity, poor memory of a traumatized brain, pride, or just a lack of focus that had driven me to committing the same mistakes again and again. I prayed, “Lord, allow me to live an authentic life for you!” and that was all I needed to sincerely cry out…instead, in exasperation I began to expound, explain, and exert my already answered prayers.

2017, Amaya Engleking



  1. Nickel Boy Graphics · March 2, 2017

    The words and the drawing are so incredibly intense. I’m just in awe. So extremely well done.

    • Gospel Isosceles · March 3, 2017

      Thank you, John. I am happy that you commented so I have a portal into your thoughts and creative ways that you glorify God:) And yes, I’d been unfamiliar with Denning until I found this drawing and I will surely be checking out more of his art.

  2. writerwannabe763 · March 4, 2017

    God has not and will not ever forsake you, but I know when you’re in the middle of a crisis mode, you sometimes wonder…. In retrospect of all the years that I was intermittent with deep depression I knew God was there but at the time I think I was so wrapped up in my worries, that He wasn’t really free to work in my life. … Diane

  3. Mario A. Pita · August 19

    Amaya, it may sound like a cliche to say I feel your pain, but, in addition to anxiety and depression, I just found out this year that I have Scrupulosity OCD, and I had it many years ago without knowing, and those have sometimes felt like a daily mental Calvary that I have written about in some sonnets at Snapshot Couplets. I don’t know from this what your struggles are, but know that you are not alone in struggles of this kind! Feel free to message me on Facebook, where there are also some Christian groups which may be helpful. Mario

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