Tibetan Farmhouse

Emei Blues

The rats have finally abated their menacing scurrying through the room-long cabinets where the eppi –a kind of hardened yogurt/cheese made from yak milk–is kept, like a good wine aged in oak barrels. I guess that’s my call to get up. – I have been eaten alive in so many lives! When will it end? When can I make the kill? – Read More


I Poison My Food By Forgetting To Pray


I poison my food by forgetting to pray

Letting the day

Or night fall into illusory questioning,

Best when the plinko ball leaves the multiple-choice game and

Rests in the grass

Lest the mass inspires me to

Ask, is remembering or prayer my saving grace? Read More

Padre Benedetto’s Words to Padre Pio

Padre Benedetto4.jpg

Padre Benedetto wrote to his spiritual advisee, Padre Pio, one hundred years ago, in 1916:

The night in which you are immersed and bewilders you is a most painful trial, but it is very lovable because of the fruit it produces in your soul. It is intended to extinguish human understanding so that divine understanding may take over, so that stripped of the common way of thinking and the ordinary use of the mental faculties you may ascend to what is purely supernatural and heavenly. Not only may you hope that God will return to your soul…he is already working within you with an activity and effectiveness commensurate with his intense love for you.


My soul encountered the dark night all throughout my twenties as I could not fathom what was happening to me, why everything I knew of the world was slipping like sand between my fingers and I could not hold it in, no matter what I did. This loss of control and “human understanding” was excruciating and I see now, necessary. What a blessing to be expurgated by the hand of Jesus himself, cause God knows, I never would have chosen that suffering, that way, for myself.

© 2016, Amaya Engleking

Top 17 Musical Pieces


Music is my constant companion.  In this list I put together my top lifelong songs and other pieces of music.  They are in order of when I first heard them from 1=earliest to 17= most recent. Certainly not hastily slopped together in a day, after several months of giving this ‘Top’ list sincere consideration, it’s done.  For now.  What is yours?

     1. Mantra of Avalokiteshvara—Song Huei Liou, Ya Ging Ging, Huang Tung Sun, Sheng Yan

This Tibetan Buddhist chant of compassion has filled me with love and awe since first hearing it at Tenzin’s little Tibetan shop off of Pearl Street in Boulder as a thirteen year-old. Read More

Let Me Live

Mind going mile-a-minute these days which has been a welcome adrenaline-rush to the sluggish past few months of daily headaches and nausea.  What I’ve been thinking about?

Euthanasia/so-called ‘Death with Dignity’/physician-assisted suicide issue

Catching up on old New Yorkers and, as usual, am inspired by Rachel Aviv’s reporting.  This article comes to me at an apt time, as Colorado legislature is once again going to vote on a proposed bill that would allow patients of either physical or mental illness to decide to end their lives under the care of a doctor, provided two physicians approve.  Read More