One thing I’ve become less attracted to over these ‘conversion’ years is street evangelism. Christians are always saying that works do not get us into the kingdom of heaven but rather the belief in the Christ and what he did. Yet, of their own accord, and I constantly fall prey to this behavior as well, they are always trying to do better and better works, despite their belief. That is not to say that belief does not change one’s nature and as a result his actions comply, but it is the trying so hard, the grasping, the striving, that I am starting to have a problem with.
It is the Holy Spirit, not our own poor reasoning, that must be the driving force in God’s will. We may say, “God, work through me,” but anything beyond that humble call our egos are at risk for taking over, however well-intentioned. I think it’s awesome when the Holy Spirit comes upon an ordinary person and leads him or her to do something extraordinary. But can we really expect a vocation based on one miracle? “I did this once so now I’m capable of doing it whenever I want.” No, not really. I do not control the Holy Spirit and therefore, if I recognize the divine hand in the doing, I must render all credit to it.
So, can I really expect to convert souls based on my words alone? Even with prayer, God still works them in his own time. I learn so much from water. Like in that French utopian film, La Belle Vert, the highly evolved (there is zero violence or starvation among them) aliens who came to earth to spread the gospel, so to speak, would communicate with their loved ones, galaxies away, simply by running their hand under a faucet or by stepping into a public fountain. I wonder… All of my purest ideas happen, it seems, either when I’m taking a shower or washing the dishes. It could just be that I’m removing filth and so I’m able to discern rightly once again, or maybe there is something essentially divine about water itself.
If I’m learning, I should be more like water than any human hero (Christ exempt.) Strength in yielding. Flowing by the path of least resistance. Never seizing. Never desperate. Life-giving.
© 2015, Amaya Engleking